101 Things the Fire Department wishes you knew



Sunday, January 4

...for the fall, unconscious...


Falls can be dangerous, sure, but most times are exaggerated either by the caller or the call taker. You know that saying "I went to a boxing match and a hockey game broke out?"
Well how about, "I went to an emergency scene and another episode of drunk wrestling broke out?"

THE EMERGENCY
A caller states a man has fallen and is now unconscious

THE ACTION
En route we hear an out of breath firefighter calling for police assistance, code 3, combative patient. We are sent since the first in engine has only basic life support capabilities and arrive soon after the ambulance, but before police.
As I approach the incident address I notice no one is there, but I hear shouting from a nearby corner. Curious, I look and see a half dozen emergency workers struggling to subdue a man in the middle of the street. It appears our unconscious patient has improved. The odor of alcohol is evident at 20 paces and I take over the head and shoulders from the out of breath fire officer. The patient is shouting profanity even MotorCop would cringe at. His accent is thick and a stereotypical accent for this man's condition, which causes everyone to giggle just a bit.
As we're attaching the restraints he is screaming and fighting causing everyone to almost sit on his extremeties, not just hold them down. We've managed to get a c-collar on him (To maintain his C-spine while wrestling us) and he is adamant about not going to the hospital. When I ask his name, this is the banter we have:
"Calm down man, just tell me your name,"
"FU&K OFF!"
"Odd name, are you hurt at all?"
"FU&K OFF!"
"OK, we're told you fell, is that true?"
"GO TO HELL!"
"Ah, an improvement. Tell me Mr. Off, have you been drinking tonight?"
"FU&K OFF! GET OFF OF ME! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!"
"Actually we do. You see, when you start drinking, your ability to make decisions no longer rests with you, but with me."
"I AIN'T GOIN' TO NO FU&KING HOSPITAL!"
Just then the police arrive and assist in corralling his arms into restrainable positions. The Sergeant leans over and shouts, "Calm down! Either go to the hospital or we're taking you to jail!"
"TAKE ME TO JAIL!"
As if someone hit a pause button, he's calm and we all stop, look at the Sergeant, and smile.
"Dang, called my bluff. Well, you can't go to jail."
I lean back over him, constantly having to keep my knee on his shoulders and a hand over his opposite scapula to keep his neck on the ground and we go back and forth until we flip him over onto the backboard and his fight is renewed.
"YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!"
"We can actually, in fact there was a warning about this on the liquor bottle."
"SHOW ME THE FU&KING BOTTLE!"
"The little white box on the side that speaks about a General and impaired judgment? Sound familiar?"
The ambulance crew finally gets him loaded up and we begin to wander away when the caller steps forward and says, "He fell from over there" and points to a porch easily 12 feet above the street level.
"Hey guys?" I lean my head into the ambulance to tell them about the height of the fall, "Good thing he's 'medicated' or that fall might have hurt."

2 comments:

Mayor of Concord said...

Awesome. These are the stories that make me appreciate my sobriety. :)

MotorCop said...

Me? Cringe? Never!