101 Things the Fire Department wishes you knew



Sunday, September 21

...for the labor and delivery...

A friend in the business passes along the following tale from another part of the country:



THE EMERGENCY


We were called to the local convenience store by PD for a person, identifying themselves as female, in labor. Our patient makes a beeline for the truck and attempts to enter the rescue before we stop. The "woman" weighed at most 110 lbs and was about 5'2" tall. Obviously not VERY pregnant. Well, she insisted she was in the first stages of labor. My driver asked how did she know she was pregnant and she yelled "because I am a(expletive deleted) genius." Clearly she had new information on pregnancy not previously known to science. She reported she was in labor for 4 days and the contractions come once an hour.

THE ACTION
She was determined to be transported to the ER that deals with psych emergencies but curiously has no OB facilities. The ambulance says despite her insistence she is in labor, the nearest ER is the place for her. So we prepare her for transport and ask about her medical history, to which she replies," diabetes." I ask,"Is that diabetes type 1, 2 or gestational."If someone really is diabetic, they know, if they're faking it(gasp surely that never happens) they hesitate. She begins screaming at me that she has not been castrated and she is in fact a woman. She gets on her soapbox and screams about what is wrong with society, health care and the Army. As she is yelling this she pulls down her pants to show us, ambulance and PD that she is in fact a woman. When the ambulance medic tells her to sit down and pull up her pants, she attempts to hit him. That's when PD jumped in and removed our labor patient in handcuffs. Good times.

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