101 Things the Fire Department wishes you knew



Thursday, December 11

...for the chest pain...

It seems most of the interesting folks are awake between 2 and 4 AM. This morning was no different.

THE EMERGENCY
A fellow called 911 at 430 AM stating he was having cardiac chest pain. He is 29 years old.

THE ACTION
We are first to arrive and the ambulance is coming from a distance. The front porch light is on and we see our new friend sitting on a chair, cigarette recently extinguished, with no shoes on. He dives into a prepared speech about a number of medical afflictions he claims to be suffering from. We do our thing and find nothing. I'm noting throughout this entire exchange he never looks directly into my eyes no matter where I stand. His crossed arms are only moving to scratch his arm almost like a compulsive action. He is playing the stereotypical meth user with his actions so I decide to delve deeper into his "medical history."
The following are his definitions for his conditions, I kid you not.
Endocytosis - Painful joints
Pericardial Bacteria - His heart is eating itself away
Diabetic Myopia - He needs his marijuana for that or he can't see
3 heart attacks - He claims NEVER brought on by elicit drug use

Those are only the ones I recall prior to the ambulance arriving. He has forgotten, after my questioning, what his chief complaint was. When asked by the ambulance crew what was bothering him the most he says his joints. They asked "Which ones?" He responds with, "You mean, like, weed?"

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