Tuesday, January 27

...for the alcohol intoxication...

Somewhere along the line "drunk" became an emergency. I guess someone let someone else sleep it off and they sued. Can't think of any other reason. Fortunately it gave me the opportunity to gauge when you've had too many.

The PD are on the scene of a woman who is screaming at the top of her lungs, "It's going to kill me! Get it off! Get it off!"

I have to hand it to the boys in blue. Either they can keep a straight face better than I can, or they stopped laughing before we arrived.
Our "patient" is indeed well under the influence of the fire water, lying supine on the floor of her little apartment. We down shift seeing there is no immediate life threat.

When I ask what the trouble is, the officers tell me, "Just wait until her arm starts moving."

So we waited nearly 2 minutes when her arm began to slowly rotate, her nervous system clearly experimenting with proprioception. As it began to noticeably move along her chest, where it had rested until only recently, she began to take note.
The look on her face was similar to those movies you see from the 40s where they tell the actress, "look horrified." Her eyes grew so large and she tried to wiggle away on her back, but ended up simply making her own arm move more. As she writhed in horror to escape this threat she began to scream what made her neighbors call the police in the first place.

"Help! It's going to kill me! Get it off! Get it off of me!"
I reached down and gently moved her hand away from her chest and smiled.
"Thank you," I remember her saying. I wanted to say something about the fact that if this was the hand that poured all that liquor down your throat, it is killing you, but I didn't.

I did, however, learn the cut off between drunk and DRUNK. When you think your own body is trying to kill you, you are DRUNK.


Firecap5 said...

CAN'T .........STOP..............LAUGHING!!!!!

Oh, wait, the coughing fit from laughing so hard did the trick!!


MotorCop said...

If I know my fellow boys in blue, they were all furiously trying to remember a variety of different comments to share back at the PD.

Or they were thinking of clever blog post titles. So guilty of that one.

Anonymous said...

Im sure that this was all just drunk melodrama, but......
I have come across this before and it was due to an actual medical condition called "Alien Hand Syndrome".
An example of this is at http://www.neurologyindia.com/article.asp?issn=0028-3886;year=2004;volume=52;issue=1;spage=109;epage=110;aulast=Wang

Still funny to laugh at though!!