101 Things the Fire Department wishes you knew



Tuesday, January 6

...for the burn...


You can not make this stuff up. Not even if the best writers in Hollywood all sat down and brainstormed for 50 years could they create these situations. But somehow random citizens think this stuff seems perfectly legitimate. Case in point: My new bro 'Bob.'

THE EMERGENCY
A man has called 911 stating he has been burned and needs an ambulance.

THE ACTION
Checking the status of the local trauma burn center, we are ready to treat any kind of burn. Except the kind we find. This man is a light shade of pink around the cheeks, eyes are white, looks a bit like he's been skiing and forgot to...oh no...no he didn't.

Yes, he did.

911 was activated for a light sunburn from a ski vacation. He's asking for a ride to the local ER while thumbing his blackberry, possibly clearing his schedule for the rest of the day, thinking he'll be at the hospital all day. We sit down and explain how minor his situation is and that the ER can not help him.
"Oh it's OK," he tells us, "I have insurance so you guys are covered."
"We're covered? You think we get a percentage or something? No, sir we treat life threatening emergencies and transport those needing further treatment to the appropriate hospital. Looking at your injury I can't seem to think of an appropriate facility."
He is set on the idea of getting a ride to the local ER and won't answer our questions about whether he has aloe in the house or a bus pass, or maybe the keys to the fancy car outside that can likely be driven to the hospital.
Then he shocks me with the question that Hollywood could never write:
"What if they give me morphine for my burns, I can't drive while on narcotics now can I Mr Smartypants."
"I'll give you $1,000,000 if they do that." I shoot back and he just looks at me, almost glaring.
Of course I lost this one since we're REQUIRED BY LAW to take anyone who asks. But when we arrived at the triage desk and the nurse got the story, she flagged a passing Doc who looked at the sunburn and said, "Seriously? Go home. Do you have aloe?"

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