101 Things the Fire Department wishes you knew



Friday, June 12

The Ancient Ones

Expecting a long post about geriatrics? As our friend MC says, "Wrong f'ing blog." On this call I was glad to hear that NorthCentral Positronics, a division of LeMerk, was still around. If that makes no sense, I beg ya' cry pardon.
Or read how something from my favorite books found me at work.

THE EMERGENCY

Transit authorities have a woman who has fallen.

THE ACTION

Often our first question is "How far?" In this case, very far indeed, but she has yet to land. Our patient is sitting on a chair in the lobby of the transit area with two LEOs (Law Enforcement Officers). Sorry, that always makes me think of Dr Evil talking to Mini Me about Leonardo DiCaprio. You boys in blue need a new...I've got it! BIBs (Boys in Blue) ((girls in blue represented, just not present on this call)).

Let's start over.

Our patient is seated in a chair with two Officers (dang, BIBs) near the entrance. She's tracking us as we approach and we see no trauma, so into question mode we go.
The following, as usual, is the back and forth that followed.

HM - "Hi there. What's your name?"
A1 - "I am an ancient one."
HM - "Do you have names?"
A1 - "I have a machine inside me," she speaks softly in a noisy transit lobby.
Quick aside, I thought the same thing you did, that is, why does a seemingly healthy 30 something woman need a pacemaker?
HM - "Does the machine help you survive?"
A1 - "Not lately, no."
HM - "Well, I'm not trained to repair the machine, but can I examine your organic systems?" I said with a straight face and with all honesty. This is no place to challenge what may be a serious mental health issue. Let's just roll with the punches.
We do our thing and find nothing of interest, so onward with the questions awaiting the ambulance arrival.
HM - "Tell me more about the machine."
A1 - "It was placed within me by the ancient ones and will last until the end of the world. I believe that time to be near. The universe is collapsing."
HM - "Too true indeed. Do you take medicine for anything or does the machine need fuel or oil or anything?" I was trying to find out if the 'machine' maybe was a metaphore for something else. Turns out I was looking WAY too far into the possible meaning of machine.

The ambulance arrived and there was a nervous looking Paramedic intern with them who didn't believe my initial report. When he leaned in to confirm what I had told him, the patient told the same tale.

So when the world moves on, remember, you heard it here first.

7 comments:

Dani said...

Thanks for the heads-up!

Little Girl said...

You know when you asked The Ancient One about the machine insider her, and you asked her if it helped here survive - when she answered "Not lately, no." - did you consider asking her when it did help her survive, and how it helped her survive??

MotorCop said...

Loved LEO in Growing Pains!

And, had she just seen Terminator?

Ckemtp said...

Crap. The world's ending and I just bought green bananas...

Sory of my life.

On the plus side, I might as well start applying for med schools and make the wife happy. "I was gonna go this time honey! It isn't my fault armageddon got in the way."

Medic7 said...

I'm surprised you didn't ask her if she knew about the turtle Maturin...

See the TURTLE of enormous girth!
On his shell he holds the earth.
His thought is slow but always kind;
He holds us all within his mind.
"On his back all vows are made;
He sees the truth but mayn't aid.
He loves the land and loves the sea,
And even loves a child like me.

The Happy Medic said...

I asked what beam she follows and she just stared at me.

Medic7 said...

All things serve the Beam.

word verification: ka tet