Monday, June 1

A note on strippers and cocaine

Print this list out and follow it next time you decide to call 911 when the stripper you brought home freaks out on the cocaine you gave her.

1. Get her dressed. The last thing you want to do is explain why the girl in your expensive room has no pants on.

2. Put the drugs away. If I can't convince you not to do them, at least hide them before I get there.

3. Remember her name. Awkward when I ask you what her name is and you blank. Good thing she's higher than the Hubble or else you'd be in trouble.

And now a list for strippers who do cocaine with strangers.

1. Keep your pants on. If it's consensual, who am I to judge? But in your condition, you'd consent to synchronized cardioversion.

2. Stay off the drugs. If you absolutely, positively, gosh darn HAVE to do drugs, pick one. Don't do cocaine, decide you don't like it and get drunk, then take ecstacy and smoke a joint.

3. Be honest with me when I get there. If I ask you what you do, if you goto school or work, don't say you're a "dancer." When I ask what show you dance in, don't say "12:30 to 5 AM."

4. Don't ask me if you "OD'd," no, there is no "dose" of this stuff, everything is over what your body needs to survive. Your heart is beating out of your chest because that is what cocaine does.

And finally, a note to the other rescuers I encountered at the scene.
(edit-Apparently didn't like what I said.)
Thank you to my colleagues for not making this into what it could have been. You got her calmed, got her pants on and relayed a great report in a strange situation. Well done.


MotorCop said...

I will have you know I have printed out your list and laminated it.

I carry it in my wallet now. Whatever would I do without you, HM?

BlogStocker said...

But MC only saved the bottom half....


The Happy Medic said...

"Blog Stocker?"

I am a bit low on you deliver?

MotorCop said...

Yea, seriously. Buy a dictionary. *sigh*...try and give a guy a cool nickname and he f's it up.

Blog(ButcheredNickName)Stocker said...

Yeah it was my sad attempt to include the grocery store job.

Sorry I don't have a cool job like a hero... ;-)


MotorCop said...

Okay...I get it now. I will amend all future references.

Bitter Blonde said...

Best. Title. Ever.

Natalie said...

Followed the link off of Mrs. Fuzz's blog, and got the biggest kick out of it! Hubby's an LEO, so the last few months I've been trying to discover more of the LEO blogging world, and have been very happy with what I've found. Thanks!