As many calls as I've shared in this forum, there are still those that won't make the cut. Not because they're "gruesome" or "funny" or even filled with heroic actions or memorable scenery, but because of the little things. Little things that are mine and mine alone. Frozen moments in time that impact me to this day.
On a recent call one of my most memorable calls came back. Not like a wafting scent or a slowly rising tide, but like a slap to the face and a punch to the gut, taking all my breath away.
The dispatch was a simple fall in the bathroom. A bread and butter call. Likely someone with one too many drinks and not enough sleep. As I walked towards the restroom, donning my gloves and admiring the large artwork in the lobby a woman came running out covering her mouth in fear. She was hunched over and moved erratically as she exited the restroom.
In half a heartbeat I was taken back over a decade. My pace quickened, my heart in my throat. The little things were there. A glimpse of broken mirror. The faint smell of bleach long mopped up. The first drop of blood. I was afraid. I went to work doing what we do.
All I'll say is that I didn't sleep much that night.
Then or now.
We deal with things that most folks fall apart after seeing. Trouble is, so do we.
If you experience something and need to talk about it please reach out. It can be a friend, clergy, co-worker, even drop me a line.
You don't have to keep what we do inside. You don't have to make sick jokes or make fun to get along in EMS, all you need is an outlet.
We all have calls that wake us from a sound sleep like a clown in an old horror movie. The trick is finding someone to help you through it before it eats you away from the inside.
It's OK to not be OK.
It's not OK to let it get worse. Everyone feels like you and I feel, some are simply too scared to share it. You're not the problem. If this job doesn't shake you to your core, chances are you're doing it wrong.
I'm reminded of that every time I see a handful of calls from my past.
I'm reminded of that when I read Kelly's story about the swing set.
I'm reminded of it when I see a young EMT freeze up at a scene and wonder if I'll be in their nightmares in 20 years, a simple bystander on their worst day.
I wonder if they know they're in mine.
It's OK to not be OK.
See also: CISD with OK GO, a 5 part series on addressing trouble using the music of OK GO
On a recent call one of my most memorable calls came back. Not like a wafting scent or a slowly rising tide, but like a slap to the face and a punch to the gut, taking all my breath away.
The dispatch was a simple fall in the bathroom. A bread and butter call. Likely someone with one too many drinks and not enough sleep. As I walked towards the restroom, donning my gloves and admiring the large artwork in the lobby a woman came running out covering her mouth in fear. She was hunched over and moved erratically as she exited the restroom.
In half a heartbeat I was taken back over a decade. My pace quickened, my heart in my throat. The little things were there. A glimpse of broken mirror. The faint smell of bleach long mopped up. The first drop of blood. I was afraid. I went to work doing what we do.
All I'll say is that I didn't sleep much that night.
Then or now.
We deal with things that most folks fall apart after seeing. Trouble is, so do we.
If you experience something and need to talk about it please reach out. It can be a friend, clergy, co-worker, even drop me a line.
You don't have to keep what we do inside. You don't have to make sick jokes or make fun to get along in EMS, all you need is an outlet.
We all have calls that wake us from a sound sleep like a clown in an old horror movie. The trick is finding someone to help you through it before it eats you away from the inside.
It's OK to not be OK.
It's not OK to let it get worse. Everyone feels like you and I feel, some are simply too scared to share it. You're not the problem. If this job doesn't shake you to your core, chances are you're doing it wrong.
I'm reminded of that every time I see a handful of calls from my past.
I'm reminded of that when I read Kelly's story about the swing set.
I'm reminded of it when I see a young EMT freeze up at a scene and wonder if I'll be in their nightmares in 20 years, a simple bystander on their worst day.
I wonder if they know they're in mine.
It's OK to not be OK.
See also: CISD with OK GO, a 5 part series on addressing trouble using the music of OK GO
Comments
THANK YOU .
There are people all around that can help. Coworkers that can lend a willing ear or shoulder. Peers that have had CISM training. Mental health professionals if needed.
It's ok to not be ok. The problem comes in "manning up", shouldering through, and not taking care of yourself.
Thanks for posting this one.
Oddly one of these things does feature an amazing EMT team and my dad. I see that kind mans face ( the EMT) often when I relive that night, the night that started the end. I should be past it it's been over a year, my dad didn't pass that night either but it was the beginning of the end and I could see it sense it, so could my kind EMT who let me joke with him who kept it light and gave me confidence in his work and what was to come.
Thank you all for what you do and thank you for letting me know when I see his face when I remember that night it's ok. I wish I could thank him, but I can't so I thank you!!
Glad you're not ok and voicing it. I've gotten help after a bad call at work. The what ifs will do you in.
Keep up the good work!