Toronto Mayor Rob Ford's perfectly thought out excuse for smoking crack

If your homepage news feed is anything like mine you'll know that Emma Thompson forgave Kenneth Branagh's affair, there was a storm where brown people live and Toronto's Mayor, Rob Ford, was filmed smoking crack.

There is a kind of whirlwind around the accusations, which he avoided for months, until a court battle surrounding the release of a video of him smoking crack surfaced.

 

Look at the surprise on my face.

 

I would, however, like everyone to dial back on the uproar surrounding crack cocaine use by Toronto's Mayor which he claims was only once and that he is "...not an addict."  Somehow he assumes we would see one instance of a behavior and apply it to the extremes of addiction.

"Did you see Justin drinking a Dr Pepper on the drive home today?"

"Yeah, but he's not an addict."

I thought nothing of this story and wanted it to go away until I read a quote that had me more worried about other aspects of Ford's life.  Aspects that should disqualify him as Mayor, but you likely didn't even notice.

Mr Ford, according to Mr Ford, has a drinking problem.

He is an alcohol addict.  Far worse in my opinion than being a crack addict, but we only apply the stigma to the "illegal" mind altering substances here.  Don't believe me?

When he finally came forward and admitted to smoking crack, he had a totally justifiable and well thought out answer:

"There's been times when I've been a drunken stupor. That's why I want to see the tape. I want everyone in the city to see this tape. I'd like to see this tape. I don't even recall there being a tape and a video and I know that. I want to see the state that I was in," Ford said. -CNN.com

Let me translate:

"Hi, I'm Mayor Ford.  I get so sloppy drunk on a regular basis it's my go to excuse whenever I get caught doing something stupid.  Obviously I wouldn't do that sober, I want to see the tape and prove to people I would never take part in the manufacturing, sales or use of an illicit substance.  I was so fall down drunk I can't even remember what you're talking about.  Did it even happen?  Who knows?  I was sooooo drunk." - Douchebag->English.com

He also added:

"Probably in one of my drunken stupors, probably approximately about a year ago," he said about the cocaine use. -CNN.com

Stupors. Plural.  Dude is Mayor and has a regular habit of becoming so intoxicated he does things he would never do sober.

Riiiiiiiiight.

As if that wasn't enough to disqualify him from cat sitting, let alone Mayor, he decided to say a few words about the camera man.  When asked to comment on his crude words, he responded with a safe "Obviously I was extremely, extremely inebriated. That's all I have to say."  Oh, well nevermind then, go back to Administrating the City and I'll meet you at the pub at 5.

Thanks, Mr Ford.  I thought you were a worthless human being up until it was the alcohol talking.  Now I think that title is an insult to the greater worthless human being community.  Working on an ambulance for 18 years I learned a very valuable lesson: Alcohol amplifies one's inner asshole and you, Mr Ford, go up to 11.

 

 

 

Comments

SF1297 said…
Rob Ford is awesome and his reality show will be solid gold.
Jay said…
How do you sack a Mayor? I'd heard that they had limited his powers but what's the point of that. How do you sack a Mayor.