Thursday, August 27

10 new first responders without the Fire Department

Last week I covered what the Fire Department will be doing to pass the time between fires if not responding to EMS runs.

This week, instead of covering what EMS services will be doing, I thought I'd invite some people from the neighborhood to fill in the first response role. Without fire resources rolling, maybe these folks can arrive first and make a report or early intervention.

#10 Letter Carriers
They know every address as well as any medications a person may have delivered on a regular basis. The post office has an army of these folks on the streets and all they're doing is moving things from place to place.

Pre-deployed we can arm them with AEDs and basic airway kits, and dispatch them by zip code, which is nice.

And you know they're in shape to help you carry patients down the stairs or assist in extrication.

#9 Police Motor Officers
Our friends Two Wheel Terror and Motorcop may not be too jazzed about this reassignment, but they know they can get places your Chevy can't.
They can handle basic interventions and I know there is room on their tool belts for an IV bag and some angiocaths. And they can cite folks while waiting for the ambulance to arrive.

#8 Pizza Delivery Drivers
Synchronized cardioversion in 30 minutes, or it's free!

#7 the Ice Cream Man
One of our two pediatric specialists already in the community, they have a PA system for use in MCIs as well as refrigeration units for the upcoming therapeutic hypothermia treatments we'll be starting.

Treat...ments...No? Sorry.

#6 the Cable Guy
These dudes seem to be on every corner these days, fixing something, and since they say they can arrive anytime between 8AM and 6 PM, we can use them to augment the commute hours.

They understand electronics, so let's give them the 12-lead monitors and have them upgraded to transmit broadband wireless to any physician we need to, including the ER. And if we tip them $50, they'll add an anteriolateral STEMI printout to get us bumped up on arrival.

#5 Tow Truck Drivers
They're already responding, bump them up to code 3. Replace the yellow lightbar with a red and get them out there. Load up some spreaders and a few hydrolic jacks and we don't even need fire to respond at all.

An added bonus, they already know where all the hot spots are and will surely stick around until the scene is cleaned up properly and the cars taken away. There is no down side here.

#4 Meter Maids
Every time you turn around these folks can sneak up and write a full cite and disappear before you can dig for another quarter. They will respond as documentarians to gather and record all medications, family names, vehicle types, weather conditions and the like, download it to your ePCR and then *poof* they'll be gone and onto another call.

#3 Garbage Collectors
Want to know about someone? Go through their trash. Few people can play the detective game we must do in mere seconds when arriving at the scene of a medical emergency. Not dispatched for trauma so much, the refuse patrol will respond to all critical medical calls and evaluate the surroundings to give you insight into the patient's life, likes, dislikes and recent credit troubles. Then they can clean up all the medication and equipment trash we leave behind.

#2 School Bus Drivers
Pediatric specialists. The bus already has red lights and will respond bringing a child of like size for dosaging reference. That darn Braslow tape is so old and kids are fatter these days, it helps to be able to choose from a variety of children, weigh them and have an accurate dosing scale.

Not to mention they come in handy for MCIs.

#1 the Missionaries
No other group is seen in every community in the country more than our white shirted, bike riding, religious missionary friends. They have bikes, so they're mobile. They have a firm resolve in their work, so you know you can trust them and their packpacks could carry an AED and a med kit no problem.

Not to mention, they have a higher power on their side, which could make the difference on some runs.

So there you go. If you don't like the fire service resources currently deployed and responding on calls with you, take your choice from the above.


Shasta said...

You crack me up! I love how you can take a bad work situation and look at it with humor. I could take a lesson from this for my own work situation. Thanks for the laugh to start my morning!

Mike "FossilMedic" Ward said...

What great examples!

Love it, will add to to the EMS Systems course.

Anonymous said...

I really think we should move EMS first response from Fire to Police. Maybe people would think twice before calling 9-1-1 for the non-serious/critical stuff. Then when it is critical there will be a nice swarm of men in blue. At least make sure police officers don't make the paramedic(s)' job harder by say moving a serious head trauma patient.

The Grumpy Dispatcher said...

Brilliant stuff, HM... love this, and needed the chuckle.

I am surprised though, that you didn't work in the obvious one: Taxicabs.

The Happy Medic said...

Grumpy, excluded on account of the conflict of interest. :)

MotorCop said...

So...I don't know what I'm more upset about. Either A) I'm on the list at all or B) I'm not #1.

Didn't anyone tell you just how fragile the ego of a motorcop is?

Thanks a lot, Ass.

Mr. 618 said...

Given some of the Comcast folks I've seen, I wouldn't be too thrilled if they showed up. Time-Warner, on the other hand, has the Roadrunner for quick response, Taz for rapid intervention, Foghorn Leghorn for interviewing, and Bugs for briefing the ER staff.

Oh, and the word verification was "prosate"... can't Blogger spell properly?